Trust
This thread is started as one of my friends asked me “Do you build trust by giving it or receiving it first?” I replied him with ease that I will always initiate the trust in people first which makes me the giver. It seems like a natural and straight-forward thought to me but the next day when I think about it, this simple question itself holds more complexity than it sounds. Hence I decide to ask around and dedicate one blog topic to discuss this profound issue of trust. A side note is that this topic is meant to be a general discussion and not applied to special individuals and it is just my humble personal thought on this topic but feel free to comment if you disagree!
During the preliminary discussion, I received many similar comments like “Is it the chicken or the egg first?” I understand that this comment is fair as trust is definitely a mutual thing. However unlike the chicken and egg that we will not know which came first since we are not the creator of the chicken or egg, we do know whether we give or received trust first as we will always meet new people and the choice to give or receive trust is something we can decide and know.
First of all, we have to understand what is this thing call trust and why do we need it? By knowing why we need it then could we know why some people give it and some prefer to receive it. Trust is a feeling that is the foundation of any relationship. It is the basic element that must be present when building relationship as only through the presence of trust then could you venture into deeper arena of feelings.
Fear of trust
Trust on people is formed on many levels and the first level of trust we have on someone is usually from what we heard and seen of someone. From then on, it is a step by step exploration as you experience life challenges and builds trust with these individuals. The level of trust is determined by the level of commitment and amount of time spent on building it. The deeper the level of trust, the greater the disappointment when trust is misplaced. The higher the level of trust will also result in a greater fear in giving trust when one has been betrayed before.
As we grow up, we will definitely experience a breach of trust. It is a path that everyone has to take in life. When this happens, people may take different course of action.
Some will start losing trust in people
Some will still have trust but build up their guard in giving it
Some will still face life with optimism
I like to use an analogy for this. A breach of trust is like a virus in a computer that you got from the internet. We will need time to clear the virus but we will definitely protect our computer from getting virus again. Some will install fire wall and anti virus and others can’t be bothered with installing one as they don’t think that they will get the virus again. Of course the more dramatic ones will disconnect from the internet altogether thinking that the internet is filled with virus.
All these reactions are relative to time and experience. If you meet someone early in life who break the trust you have in him, an initial bad experience may make you lose your trust in human altogether. For those who have experienced life knows that trust is not something that is broken very frequently.
Having said this, I was just highlighting one point. We shouldn’t lose the feeling of trusting others. Trust is a door to connect to others and we shouldn’t lose this connection. Yes we should build some guard so that we can guard ourselves but it doesn’t mean not trusting others at all. Giving it sparingly and building it day by day is the way. One betrayal doesn’t mean that it will occur every time, instead focus more on the many people who didn’t betray you. Think of it positively, isn’t it good if you know who is true to you and who is not just by using a trust as an indicator?
Bottom line is that trust is a thing that takes time and effort to build. Personally I feel that since it is so hard to build trust as you go through so many levels to build it, why do you want to break it because of small gains that are transient. Uphold the highest integrity. Trust is a thing that you should not fear and betrayal is a positive occurrence as it filters away the unworthy.
“Trust is build with time, and can be broken with one wrong action
Fragile as it is, hence the more we should treasure it”
James Tan
During the preliminary discussion, I received many similar comments like “Is it the chicken or the egg first?” I understand that this comment is fair as trust is definitely a mutual thing. However unlike the chicken and egg that we will not know which came first since we are not the creator of the chicken or egg, we do know whether we give or received trust first as we will always meet new people and the choice to give or receive trust is something we can decide and know.
First of all, we have to understand what is this thing call trust and why do we need it? By knowing why we need it then could we know why some people give it and some prefer to receive it. Trust is a feeling that is the foundation of any relationship. It is the basic element that must be present when building relationship as only through the presence of trust then could you venture into deeper arena of feelings.
Fear of trust
Trust on people is formed on many levels and the first level of trust we have on someone is usually from what we heard and seen of someone. From then on, it is a step by step exploration as you experience life challenges and builds trust with these individuals. The level of trust is determined by the level of commitment and amount of time spent on building it. The deeper the level of trust, the greater the disappointment when trust is misplaced. The higher the level of trust will also result in a greater fear in giving trust when one has been betrayed before.
As we grow up, we will definitely experience a breach of trust. It is a path that everyone has to take in life. When this happens, people may take different course of action.
Some will start losing trust in people
Some will still have trust but build up their guard in giving it
Some will still face life with optimism
I like to use an analogy for this. A breach of trust is like a virus in a computer that you got from the internet. We will need time to clear the virus but we will definitely protect our computer from getting virus again. Some will install fire wall and anti virus and others can’t be bothered with installing one as they don’t think that they will get the virus again. Of course the more dramatic ones will disconnect from the internet altogether thinking that the internet is filled with virus.
All these reactions are relative to time and experience. If you meet someone early in life who break the trust you have in him, an initial bad experience may make you lose your trust in human altogether. For those who have experienced life knows that trust is not something that is broken very frequently.
Having said this, I was just highlighting one point. We shouldn’t lose the feeling of trusting others. Trust is a door to connect to others and we shouldn’t lose this connection. Yes we should build some guard so that we can guard ourselves but it doesn’t mean not trusting others at all. Giving it sparingly and building it day by day is the way. One betrayal doesn’t mean that it will occur every time, instead focus more on the many people who didn’t betray you. Think of it positively, isn’t it good if you know who is true to you and who is not just by using a trust as an indicator?
Bottom line is that trust is a thing that takes time and effort to build. Personally I feel that since it is so hard to build trust as you go through so many levels to build it, why do you want to break it because of small gains that are transient. Uphold the highest integrity. Trust is a thing that you should not fear and betrayal is a positive occurrence as it filters away the unworthy.
“Trust is build with time, and can be broken with one wrong action
Fragile as it is, hence the more we should treasure it”
James Tan
posted by James at 8:02 PM
1 Comments:
i thank my fren for writing this as i m e one who asked tat question.
aft readin his ending quote i suddenly realise tat its very similar to wat i recently heard..
即使说过千遍"我爱你"，
最终一句"分手"就离开。
那就是爱情。
taking luv as a commitment to trust, no matter hw much effort u put in. all it takes is a word to end it all. not only its wat luv is abt but hey its life...
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