Will always be there for you

Today is a depressing day... Not because of what happened to me but because what the one I love the dearest have went through because of my irresponsible actions... Seeing her being sad devastated me... Because I can't share her mental pain, share her emotion, share the physical pain... It is unfair that she has to go through this because of me... The little thing I can do is to accompany her... That alone is just a small thing I can do for her... I hated myself. I should be protecting her and I ended hurting her. But no more lament, I have to be strong and not let her worry and be concern of my feelings. From today onwards I will protect her, be there for her whenever she needs me. No one will take priority over her and other things can wait. She is my one and only concern. Right now I can only be here down at her block to be there for her. Told her I went back so that she will not be worried, silently waiting and be there if she needs anything... She is a strong lady and her tears really breaks my heart... I weep too but not when she is around, I will be strong for her. Today I love her even more, after what she went through, she ends up worrying that I haven't eaten... I have mixed feeling on this. I am both happy and angry, happy that she still cares for me, angry on myself that she didn't choose to scold me or reprimand me, she has the entire right to do so and I will let her vent out all her anger so that she will feel better... But she didn't... So right now, be strong and be there for her, whatever happen I will always love her and not let her be worried about me. Let me be the one to protect her in the future and never be her source of pain. Bring the smile back to her life and that will be my happiness too!

Rhapsody of Love

Dedicated just to you. By now, I am sure no one will be viewing my blog except for you. Let fate decide when you will see this or will you ever see this at all. I guess we both believe in fate. Fate has let us meet but fate has not kept us together. Should we call it fate or should we call it resolution? You said that you are timid and do not dare to love anymore, somehow I have to agree that we are all afraid to believe in love as the more we love the harder it hurts. But... I rather have a beating heart then a stagnant one, one that is sad when I dont get to see you, one that is happy just to see you, one that is contented just by having you by my side. To love someone is to respect her and I know how hard it is for you, so I choose to let you go not because I dont treasure you, in retrospect it is because I love you too much. The pain I am going through should be the same as yours and I cant bear to see an unhappy you. It pains me not to message you and see you, but it pains me more to see you living in sadness and having to consider my feelings. So I harden my hard, to let go in order to love, to suffer in order for you to get happiness. I treasure all the time we had spent together. You will always have a special place in my heart as I know you had love me. It is painful and unfair to you and you have given up alot for me, I know. "Fate has always decided by itself, there is only one happiness" I agree that Fate has decided by itself but i know i have always try to create more opportunities so that fate will create way for me to pursue what I want. I also agree that there is only one happiness, which is why i dont squander trying to pursue my love and my happiness. To give up is to lose my soul, I never like to choose the easy way just to be comfortable, I always choose the right way and follow my heart. Yes it might be painful now, but it will be even more devastating if I were to live to an old age not pursuing what I love. But that is me. I know what you have went through before and I will respect your decision. I wouldn't say that you haven't consider being with me before but probably your heart is weak from all the hurt and you are not ready to be hurt again, what more to be hurt by me. So let me be the one to be hurt as loving you is to let me bear the hurt just to know you will be happy every single day. Maybe one day you will see this post, maybe it is 1 day, 1 week, 1 year or maybe you will not see it ever... But it is fine, i believe in fate and let it decide what pends out. Perhaps this little romance is best left here in this little blog, let me be your little angel that is living in the pain in hell just to plant a little love by seeing you having happiness in life. I would love a forever with you, maybe I already have a forever love as loving you this period of time might be forever for me as I will kept this love of ours in a special corner of my heart till I cease to breathe. Love you my baby panda...

Are we just plain lazy?

How many times have we heard the little voice in us that keep persuading us to take the easy way out from situation? How many times have you succumbed to the little voice and decided to take that little break that, in the end, take away half of your life idling in comfort?

I guess all of us hear this little voice many a time. The difference is that some of us decided to acknowledge the voice as time for a little break and others use it as an excuse to run away from challenges in their life. For myself, I guess life has been too comfortable that I have grown a little lazy. Lazy to look into my life more often, too lazy to look into my finances, too lazy to look into breakthrough in my thought, too lazy to acknowledge and solve things that are going wrong…

I have learnt through the hard way that as easy as it is to be lazy, the price to pay when you finally wake up is double what it should be if you had taken time to look into the challenges when you can. I read a book recently. It says that by ignoring the challenges in our life and indulging in short term comfort, we are actually creating long term pain in our life. Some people can escape forever from jumping from one focus to another as they refuse to face the challenges in their life. They shift focus so that there is nothing to focus on in the end. This means no pain to focus on, no decision to focus on and of course in the end, no dream to focus on and no happiness in life to focus on.

Perhaps the pain involve in facing our challenges is too great, too big that our current mindset and character is not strong enough to handle it. But isn’t it faster to grow muscle by lifting weight that is above our normal threshold? To accelerate a car, shouldn’t we step on the accelerator in order to reach a higher speed? By maintaining the status quo, nothing can be changed. In fact, we will only grow old to finally feel the sense of regret of not doing the things that we should do to realize our dreams. We can only grow stronger by facing harder challenges. Brain muscles grow from facing bigger challenges in our life.

Are we just plain lazy to face these challenges? Yes we are but the more important question is; are we asking ourselves the right question when facing challenges? If we ask ourselves the right question, we would finally realize that there is no time to be lazy. No justification for laziness. No way to be lazy as laziness is deadly. When laziness set in, it claims not only your will to do things. Laziness when allow to breed will claim your dreams, claim your character and finally claim all the happiness you deserve.

So the right question to ask is; can we afford laziness? If you are filthy rich, do you want laziness to claim your right to having a better character or accomplish a dream? If you are young, would you want laziness to claim your youth? Maybe there are people who can afford to be lazy as they are happy just the way they are. However if you look deep within yourself and you can sense a fire in you that still shimmers, would that fire one day die out and you feel that you have lost the sparks in your life, your glimmer of hope, the light at the end of the tunnel?

We are not sure if being diligent will help you achieve your dream but I am sure that if you start indulging in laziness and ignore your dreams and passion, you will have live a life that you are not passionate about as there is simply nothing in your life you can fight for to create the fiery passion.

“What’s life when passion is covered by laziness?”

~James Tan~

Right or Wrong?

Sorry for the MIA from my blog for soooooooo long. There is always an excuse for not writing in my nice blog for so long. Reason being, I guess I have found someone I can confide all my emo moments in that I have grown too comfortable to write.

However, I guess the laziness has to stop as its time to pick up my momentum. For this blog, I would like to talk about what I have learnt in business over these few months. In the past, perhaps mislead by the propaganda of TV, small little kid like me always think that business is about being all righteous and being there for the client all the time. Success will come from hard work and perseverance. Evil businessman will all crash and burn in the end.

All the ideal business ethics mentioned above only happen in TV, in the very fairy tale that kids indulge themselves in. Business world is not as beautiful as shown in Singapore TV as MediaCorp role is to portray good ethics in front of their wide spectrum of TV audience. In actual fact, the business world is colder than most of us view it to be. Profit is the first language that all business man adopts. Numbers are the measurement for effort. Being nice only happens when profits and numbers measures up.

In other words, the evil businessmen that we see in TV are actually the true form of what businessmen are in the real world. Steve Job sold faulty iphone and is a virtual ass hole. But we still love and embrace his product regardless of his conduct in business. He is still well-secured in his throne in Apple because of the fact that we are supporting his numbers and profits in share holders’ meeting. If being an ass hole get him to where he is and gave the share holder a smiling face when they see the dividend they are getting from their shares, please be assured that he will be Apple CEO no matter how many faulty iphone he is going to create and how many people he is going to screw over.

Professionalism is about delivery and not about being nice. Being nice in business equates weakness waiting for others to exploit. When you curse a businessman for being shrewd and cold, I guess that is actually the best compliment for him. Most of us might actually think that the above mentioned traits of a successful businessman are really bad. In actual fact, they are not even remotely close to bad. In retrospect, it is the best kind of conduct any businessman can have.

Why did I say so? Simply because business is a tough organization to upkeep. Only with rationality, good judgment, seriousness and perseverance can one maintain a business and make profit from it. When I mean profit, I don’t mean keeping yourself away from the bottom line; it means loads of cash that you can allow your share holder to pocket as dividend. Businessman has to be tough and appear as cold as they have to make tough decision without putting any emotion to it. Profits come first as that is the fundamental that any company is resting on.

We can voice our displeasure over any bad business conduct but these conducts are the very fundamental of business survival. Those that are caught with bad business practices are not wrong to do so. They are wrong because they are not smart enough to play the game well and avoid getting caught.

So what am I trying to say here? Bad business conduct is the way to go? Not really. What I am trying to say here is that human are judgmental and would, many a time, judge things based on their own perspective. What is wrong in business in our eyes might be because of a lack of understanding of what it takes to keep a business going. What seems wrong to us is because of the very fact that we do not share the same ambition and situation that others are in. This questions the fundamental question if there is any right or wrong in this world? Or is right or wrong just a perspective based on understanding from our own perspective?

Whatever the answer might be, I have learnt to be more objective. To be focus on getting my goals but not sacrificing my principle to be fair to the people who are fair to me. People grow as they aged and I seek break through every year in my life. Learning to be cold and serious, being an ass hole when need be to get things done might be a thing which I need to master in order to advance professionally in my life.

"What is right and wrong if we are wrong of what is right sometimes?"

~James Tan ~

The Bottomless Greed

Last weekend was a superb weekend spent at Genting with the company of my lucky star and her friends. It was a relaxing weekend driving up the north south highway travelling at a speed of 180km/h (hard to achieve in Singapore TP infested road)

The trip to Genting will definitely incorporate the visit to the casino and that is where we were most of the time during our stay in Genting. That is also where I have the inspiration to write this blog. My past 2 trips to Genting casino are disappointments as I lost money in the past 2 trips. However this time with my lucky star around, I manage to win some money (thank you lucky star ^^) However the best reward of this trip is not on the winning but the realization of a lesson on human psychology.

Why does most people lose in a casino? Simply because when a person wins, his greed starts to grow and he wishes to win more. When he starts to lose some, he feels that he can win back the amount and win even more. When he loses more till break even, the feeling grow stronger and pride sets in, how could I just settle for such low winning when I have won so much moments ago. Then he starts to lose and he feels like he shouldn’t be losing. And he lost more and just wanted to put in more capital just to break even.

This people ended up as the biggest loser in the casino as they have a bottomless greed that will not be satisfied no matter how much they win. They will only stop when they lost more than they can handle. The casino is not afraid that you have won money from them, in fact they are worried if you have not won money in the casino before. Why is that so? For the simple fact that if you have not win before, you will not experience the good feeling of winning, will not be obsessed in gambling and will not put in big capital to gamble. If you win before, you will have a chance to feel that you can win more and the bottomless greed will lead to heavy losses.

I only know of people who are rational that can win in casino, have never heard of emotional people who will win frequently in casino. The casino might appear as a bad place to most people but it is also the best place to test your personality. It teaches a valuable lesson in life that helps you that will lead you to success if you can grasp the deeper meaning.

The casino teaches us
- In order to win big, you need big capital to handle temporal lost.
- You need to have both guts to jump in the bet and confidence in your analysis
- If you are winning, know when to stop and control your greed. Always remember that you never win until you have cashed in your profit
- If you are losing, don’t fight the situation. It is not necessary to rush to lose, however the more you lose, the more you should control yourself and ask yourself if you are ready to take the small lost and live to fight another day
- In the end, it is abiding to a rational system to use to win and take your winnings and avoid letting your emotion take the better of you
- You can always be excited after you have already won

All the above points only mean that one must be rational and have to be gutsy in order to win. A balance of risk taking and emotion is the key to winning. Only when a person has understand the above points will he be able to control himself and finally succeed in life.

“Take your losses and also remember to take your winnings when it is still there”
~James Tan~

Knowing What You Want

Some people know from the day that they are born what they wish to achieve, while many others spend the rest of their life trying to figure out what they really want.

I remember reading a book that talks about how people with many ideas end up not going anywhere and some people who are not particularly smart but end up being successful as they stick to one good idea and did not give up even when failing is imminent.

To elaborate further, people with many ideas tends to think of many fantastic and original ideas which are all feasible. However having too many ideas also mean that it is hard to decide and when they meet with a tough obstacle in one idea, they can easily drop the current idea and re-invest their time on another good idea.

Conversely, people who doesn’t have much of a good idea has no alternatives and usually they will work on one single good idea and persistently stick to it as failure would have a big opportunistic cost as they are scared that they will not be able to have a chance to venture in a good idea anymore.

A seed that has the potential to grow into a strong tree does not happen overnight. It has its fair share of weathering tough weathers, competition for sunlight from bigger plants and fighting for nutrients before it can grow to be strong. Similarly, an idea needs to weather through obstacles and stand the test of time and environment before it can blossom.
A car that travels at 60mph does not necessary mean that it will reach the destination faster than a man on a bicycle if it is actually running around from point to point instead of heading straight for the objectives.

It therefore brings to the point that speed is not the key to success. Speed without direction makes things uncontrollable and just make it easier for things to move towards a cliff of failure. Being slow and steady with a firm direction towards the goal in mind will provide a destination and timeline to success.

However creativity does not mean bad as in the short run, creativity in doing things does help people in crossing obstacles and expanding their horizons to reach their destination faster. Having creativity that spurs you nearer towards your goal is tantamount to adding speed to your direction. Hence being steadfast to an idea gives one direction while being flexible and creative in the short run gives speed to the direction and brings a person closer to their goals. Balance is once again the key =)

~Speed with direction comes from the treatment towards creativity~
James Tan

The GREATEST mistake of my life- now…

Yes the girl above is the greatest mistake of my life now as she has turn my world upside down. How she does it? Crime as listed below
- Verbally abusing me
- Mentally abusing me
- Physically abusing me
- Etc etc
And she happens to be… my gf….
I think she can easily be the girl who abuses me the most ever since I was born because no one has ever abuses me in the magnitude that she has… EVER!
Life is definitely not a bed of roses with her around as it is filled with its occasional irritations and pain inflicted from the above creature.
However, doesn’t everyone grow the most from their mistake?
This greatest mistake in my life also happens to let me experience many new things that I have never tried before. Although she…

- Verbally abuses me

I learn that if you love someone, you don’t need to give the person flattery all the time. Praises given only at opportune moment is sincere and will also give value to the words.
- Mentally screwed my mind

Only a mind that has gone through shit will have the strength to take the ups and downs in life. I think I am not one who likes the comfort zone. Being mentally screwed up occasionally do built up my mental endurance not to give in to emotional roller coaster

- Physically torture
Hmmm… ehhh…. Sorry no excuse for this, this is just pure abuse! Come to think about it, you are so deaddddddddd MS LEE KT if you hoot me again!
………

Ok now back to my blog as my heightened mental strength has allowed me to calm down….
I think everyone needs to make mistakes in their life and this is currently my greatest mistake as I have gotten a terribly frightening thing as my gf. The point is I think this greatest mistake of my life is also the greatest joy in my life now when this thing act humanly and portray her cute fairy self when her nice mechanism is at work.
Hopefully she can maintain this mechanism well and be the sweet thing (as shown below) for optimistically 51% of the time!

~ Mistakes are good ~

James Tan