Will always be there for you

Today is a depressing day... Not because of what happened to me but because what the one I love the dearest have went through because of my irresponsible actions... Seeing her being sad devastated me... Because I can't share her mental pain, share her emotion, share the physical pain... It is unfair that she has to go through this because of me... The little thing I can do is to accompany her... That alone is just a small thing I can do for her... I hated myself. I should be protecting her and I ended hurting her. But no more lament, I have to be strong and not let her worry and be concern of my feelings. From today onwards I will protect her, be there for her whenever she needs me. No one will take priority over her and other things can wait. She is my one and only concern. Right now I can only be here down at her block to be there for her. Told her I went back so that she will not be worried, silently waiting and be there if she needs anything... She is a strong lady and her tears really breaks my heart... I weep too but not when she is around, I will be strong for her. Today I love her even more, after what she went through, she ends up worrying that I haven't eaten... I have mixed feeling on this. I am both happy and angry, happy that she still cares for me, angry on myself that she didn't choose to scold me or reprimand me, she has the entire right to do so and I will let her vent out all her anger so that she will feel better... But she didn't... So right now, be strong and be there for her, whatever happen I will always love her and not let her be worried about me. Let me be the one to protect her in the future and never be her source of pain. Bring the smile back to her life and that will be my happiness too!

Rhapsody of Love

Dedicated just to you. By now, I am sure no one will be viewing my blog except for you. Let fate decide when you will see this or will you ever see this at all. I guess we both believe in fate. Fate has let us meet but fate has not kept us together. Should we call it fate or should we call it resolution? You said that you are timid and do not dare to love anymore, somehow I have to agree that we are all afraid to believe in love as the more we love the harder it hurts. But... I rather have a beating heart then a stagnant one, one that is sad when I dont get to see you, one that is happy just to see you, one that is contented just by having you by my side. To love someone is to respect her and I know how hard it is for you, so I choose to let you go not because I dont treasure you, in retrospect it is because I love you too much. The pain I am going through should be the same as yours and I cant bear to see an unhappy you. It pains me not to message you and see you, but it pains me more to see you living in sadness and having to consider my feelings. So I harden my hard, to let go in order to love, to suffer in order for you to get happiness. I treasure all the time we had spent together. You will always have a special place in my heart as I know you had love me. It is painful and unfair to you and you have given up alot for me, I know. "Fate has always decided by itself, there is only one happiness" I agree that Fate has decided by itself but i know i have always try to create more opportunities so that fate will create way for me to pursue what I want. I also agree that there is only one happiness, which is why i dont squander trying to pursue my love and my happiness. To give up is to lose my soul, I never like to choose the easy way just to be comfortable, I always choose the right way and follow my heart. Yes it might be painful now, but it will be even more devastating if I were to live to an old age not pursuing what I love. But that is me. I know what you have went through before and I will respect your decision. I wouldn't say that you haven't consider being with me before but probably your heart is weak from all the hurt and you are not ready to be hurt again, what more to be hurt by me. So let me be the one to be hurt as loving you is to let me bear the hurt just to know you will be happy every single day. Maybe one day you will see this post, maybe it is 1 day, 1 week, 1 year or maybe you will not see it ever... But it is fine, i believe in fate and let it decide what pends out. Perhaps this little romance is best left here in this little blog, let me be your little angel that is living in the pain in hell just to plant a little love by seeing you having happiness in life. I would love a forever with you, maybe I already have a forever love as loving you this period of time might be forever for me as I will kept this love of ours in a special corner of my heart till I cease to breathe. Love you my baby panda...