Waiting (for you)

Most humans are born impatient when they wish to get things that are beneficial to them.

Impatient to
- Spend their money on luxury product
- Wait in the queue
- Establish their career
- Get attached
- And many more examples

How many people can understand the beauty of waiting for the best moment to happen, to respect the art of fishing and waiting for the moment to enjoy the joy of the reward when it comes?

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away”

Who can truly understand this statement and really live a life that rejects temporal happiness and distractions, patiently waiting for the person or moment that takes your breath away and lives you in a permanent state of happiness?

Certainly, this is hard to achieve as people can not predict the future and because of uncertainty, they choose to take what is offered to them presently that they can secure rather than to wait for the thing that they really love as they know that the future holds no promise. Most people will just grab what's around them so that they will at least have something.

My friends and associates said that I have stringent criteria when I am choosing a girlfriend and said that I am asking for the impossible. They are right and this does not only apply to my love life but also to my career. I could have chosen a life of being employed and live an average life as a degree holder. However I don't wish to live a life of accepting the mundane, I like to have a life that is more than just average, if I wish to achieve, I would strive for the best. Which is the reason why I would rather delay my temporal gratification as a salaried worker and decided to wait and farm for the life of abundance that I would like to live as a successful business man. Accepting criticism and lack of understanding from other people, who had preferred not to wait for the moment of success.

I understand that people around me meant well with their advice but the best form of happiness is to give the things that other people want as long as they are things that make the person better if they are able to achieve it. So what if the person has to suffer in the short run while waiting, at least even if they failed, they have lived a life far more meaningful and with flair than those who had accepted their fate. The most cruel thing in life is not death, but rather to live an existence that you had never fight and live for a moment for yourself.

This blog is written not only to substantiate my dream as a businessman but also more importantly, it is about the state of philosophy that I hold now in my love life. There are many options that lie open to me right now and if I wish to, I could have grabbed whatever that I have around me. However I have decided to wait for the girl that had taken my breath away since secondary school. She is from my neighborhood and I only got to be in the same school as her in JC. Why do I have to wait? Well I have to, simply because she is attached. How many people do not get to be together with people they used to love because they are always attached at staggering times where one is single while the others is attached at some point in time and can’t desert their current relationship, due to commitment, to be with the person they wish to be with?

I understand myself as someone who will whole-heartedly love the person I am with when I am attached and will not entertain other thoughts of being with other girls. Which means that unless something drastic happens, I would commit to living the rest of my life with my other half and will not allow other distractions in my love life. With understanding of myself, that is why I am stringent in my criteria. Which is why I am willing to wait for this girl to be single again as she is the girl worth waiting for. Some people suggest that I should go all out to break up the relationship but I think otherwise. As a good girl will bear the same mentality as me, being faithful in their relationship, if they can leave their present relationship to be with you, she can leave your relationship with her in the future when she is “in love” with others again. Hence breaking up the relationship will be futile, and perhaps now I can only take the back seat and wait for things to take it natural course.

So I will wait patiently for this girl and will not let my love for her be a discomfort. The love should be a warming light that will be there for her when she is upset instead of being like a bugging fly that refuse to stop being irritating. If she really get married with her boyfriend then so be it, at least I know I had waited for my dream rather then to live a life of regret. I will patiently wait for the love that will take my breath away. Giving pressure to the person is not loving her, but rather hurting her and one should always try their best to let the person they love be comfortable with you rather than to be stressful with you around.

Falling in love is involuntary and people can fall out of love as easily as falling in love. However love is not about falling into it, but rather how hard you try everyday to love the person you had decided to be with. Hence as I wait, I will try hard to stand by this love and build it with every single seconds that pass by as it is not something that I fall into but rather something I build out of. This philosophy should also be applied in business as falling in love with the concept of business is easy as you just require passion. However it takes hard work to build a business and make it successful.

Love and business should all be showered with attention and should not be fleeting emotions. Hopefully my patience will pay off in the end as I wait for this girl of my dream and will try to keep away from distractions as I wait for her. This is also a good time for me to build up my career as I wait so that I will be able to marry her when this seed of love is being given the opportunity to blossom =)


“Waiting is an art where the moment it happens is more precious than the summation of the entirety of your living years”

~James Tan~

Paradigm shift

What happens when you have a paradigm shift? You become a whole new being altogether and when you look back, you will smile at your old self and feel better that you have evolved into a better being. However don’t get me wrong, I don’t despise my past as my past are the sum of my experiences that make me a better person now.

I realize that whenever I go through a rough patch in life, I will start evolving and start transforming to a new person, a better one to be specific. My good “buddy” commented that I had changed so much over the years and it always happen after I have gone through some challenges in life. Here I have to say sorry to her as she seem disturbed and sad that she doesn’t understand who I am anymore. If you are reading this blog, do understand that every time that James changes, it will be for the better so that he can be strong and protect those he cares for when the need arises. People will only start not knowing anyone when they don’t bother to and all my good buddy will always know how James has evolved as I will keep these treasured buddies updated =).

Back to the blog proper, I had a couple of paradigm shift that are crucial in my life and below are just some of them

- When I was in the Army and began more humble and able to control my temper
- In NUS, when I realize that education has a broader sense than just what the government say it is and started my path to business
- In the first year of my business where I realize that some things that are not yours anymore should not be kept and learn to let go

And this paradigm shifts begin to happen more and more frequently recently as I start to go through more challenges in business and life. The most recent paradigm shift is something that people might not find that it is a good thing to learn but seriously it really works in business. The new thing learnt is an attitude, the attitude of arrogance. How can this be a good thing to learn as having attitude is obviously bad, as you might be thinking? However nothing in this world is good or bad, it is only how you use it that makes a difference.

So what is the value in arrogance that has made me a better person? As mentioned in the previous post, the master in interactive has taught my team how to execute arrogance that makes your business life easier and make your client happier. He told me that there are 2 instances that he has displayed his arrogance, once when he is in a pitch for a MNC and after 5mins into the pitch, he stands up and tell the client that they are not pitching anymore, “apologize” in being in the wrong pitch and start to walk off with his team. The second instance, he took a chair and threw it on the conference table during a meeting with another MNC.

Guess what, he managed to win the respect of the 2 companies, one decided to listen to his proposal with more zest instead of being arrogant when they started the presentation and the other decided to give them the deal. I am not trying to say that we should be so dramatic while exercising “arrogance”, however this is a good case study of what is called letting your client learn to respect you by displaying some attitude. After 3 years in business, I realize that being nice just make your client more demanding and nastier. As I learnt not to be nice to them just a little, my relationship and business life with them become easier. And recently after listening to the master, I execute great arrogance in one of the pitch. The client was belittling my company and was treating us like a small company, giving little respect in his tone over the phone.

When I went to his office, I sat down and listen to him. After he explained his brief, he asked for the price and I asked him what is his budget? He said $xxxx amount and I immediately tell him that we can’t do the job as the company cannot sustain with such low budget. Quoted him $xxxx X 3 and told him that we can’t value add much as we usually create website with marketing strategy. Told him that perhaps a free lancer or another company can design the site at the price. In the end, he told me budget is not a problem. I replied telling him that I still have to look through the site before giving him an actual price. I went back to office and email him a price of $xxxx X 5 and he accepted. This is a good example of “arrogance” being displayed with the right magnitude, industry knowledge and increased confidence.

Tried the same thing with the subsequent clients that we are ready to let go as the budget is not acceptable and most works, and the company begins its quest to increasing its brand equity. Equipped with the proper level of arrogance, we start transforming the company to a higher class design company separating ourselves from the pack.

However I fully understand that arrogance only allows you to go to the higher level, the way to the highest level is to master the highest level of humbleness. If it sounds contradicting, it is not as arrogance is to push your standing up and make people respect you in a new level. Being humble while you are on the high level will attract more respect from people from all levels as you have already proven that you have made it and yet still able to be humble when you have made it. The controversies in life is thus a formula for success as mastering both ends is the key to success, the key difference thus lies in timing.

Hence a concept will only make sense and work when it is the right time to execute the paradigm shift. Hope that I can master this soon and start going to the humble path again as I know I am arrogant when I am young and might stray if I enjoy this arrogance too much! Hence cheers now for arrogance and a new paradigm shift that will push me to a whole new level =)

“Arrogance or humble, use it at the right time and the controversies will align success”
~ James Tan~