Plant a seed

Everyone has a subconscious self that keeps reminding them to do certain things at a subliminal level. Plant a seed in the ground and it will grow into a plant. Similarly if you plant a seed in a person, it will take time before it germinates and grow into a plant.

However patience is the key, if you wish to hurry the growth of a seed, you will only kill it as a seed is delicate and grows at its own pace. Similarly for people, you need time for people to grow the way you wish to germinate, first of all you have to start planting seeds. One day the seed will germinate and all thoughts will start moving towards where you wish for it to expand to.

Different seeds will grow into a different plant, hence be careful when choosing your seed as once it is planted and allow time to grow its roots, it will be harder to uproot the plant.

This can be a good or evil process depending on who uses it and for what means. There is no right and wrong way to do a certain things, in the end it just boils down to whether you wish to do the things for the right or wrong reasons.


“Seeds needs time to germinate, so do results”
~ James Tan ~

Ice & Fire

You might have heard of the phrase 水火不相容- a Chinese saying that means fire and water can never mixed. But today through a conversation with a lady, I have realized that water and fire can mix and hence ice and fire can mix too. Before you think that I am going to talk about physics, let me assure you that I am trying to drive home a message.

To begin, let me just explain how ice and fire can mix and become one. When you put an ice beside a fire, the ice will start to melt under the heat of the fire. The melting ice will transform into water that will extinguish the fire. If you think that is the end of the story, it is not. As the water, upon touching the fire, will vaporize and the fire upon being extinguished by the water will turn into smoke.

Fire being formless and just a state of energy, ice and water being a matter with a form, both being different state of being can therefore exist under a single gaseous state when they start affecting each other.

So what message am I trying to drive at? Actually this simple “science experiment” is synonymous to how human relationship works. It actually highlights the following points

- Human relationship changes when 2 person interact with each other (Ice to water to vapor, fire to smoke)
- No state in a human relationship is permanent and relationship changes over time with interactions (Ice melts over time)
- All humans despite their difference in character can seek a common point of understanding and existence when a consensus is made (ice and fire being different state can become one common gaseous form)

And what this is trying to tell us is that some people might think that they can never co-exist with other people that are different from them. They choose to stay away from them and have pre-conceived notion that they can never communicate with such people. I would view otherwise regarding such perception. The conflict happens because there are differences between 2 persons and the conflict continue to exist because there is no conscious effort to resolve the issue. And to add on, communications is bilateral and most people thought that they are communicating when they are talking with others, but in actual fact they are just talking but not listening to what the other person is trying to say. Hence no interaction happens and nothing is resolved.

Conflict happens because there are differences in people and not because of the issue on hand. And the way to resolve the conflict is not to hide from it, quarrels might be necessary and temporal discontent might ensue as the differing opinions of each individuals is being put across. These are all normal proceedings but what is important is in resolving the differences and seeking a common understanding after all views have been put across. It is about understanding and respecting the fact that everyone is different in their own way. And through the understanding of these facts, to seek a common understanding that can respect the differences and work out a platform where both individual can co-exist.

Avoidance is not the key to better human relationship, interactions are. Ice did not melt because it shuns fire, as much as it doesn’t like to lose its form, it is necessary for it to give way before it can melt into water that will in turn extinguish the fire. If 2 individuals do not intend to interact and give in, still wishing to maintain a tough stance, it is the same as ice not wanting to melt and hence no change can ever happen.

Hence as long as 2 persons are willing to put in the effort to understand each other differences and wish to seek a consensus maturely, conflicts are sometimes necessary and might even be a good prescription in enhancing human relationship with others. The ingredient for the prescription will include maturity, understanding, respect and most importantly, courage to face the conflict instead of running away from it.

So if there is someone who tells you he or she is a block of ice that is unmoved by things around them, kindly inform them you are one fiery flame that can melt any ice and can co-exist with ice on a higher form =)

P.S: I will melt ice VO_O

“Co-existence is possible between ice and fire with proper interaction”
~ James Tan ~

To Get is Not to have Asked

Does the subject header sound funny to you? Well it sounds funny to me before but now it has made good sense for me as I realize that there is another dimension in getting things from people.

Ever encountered situations where you ask things from people around you and you get nothing from them in the end? For me it does occur quite frequently and usually it is quite irritating and frustrating, in the end when you finally wish to give up and the thing will start knocking at your door. At that point of time, you might already have lost interest in the thing you have wanted in the first place.

Why do such things occur you might ask? There are a couple of reasons

Generally people
- don’t like to be commanded by others to do things
- don’t like to entertain desperate people
- like to do things only that they feel good about doing
- only do things willingly when they are self-motivated

So by asking someone for a certain things to be done, most of the above rules have been broken. Of course I am not referring to people who are your subordinates or you have power over, the people I am referring to are your peers or people you are not able to force your thoughts on.

And the question now is if you are not going to ask, then how are you going to get certain things done? It took me a while to figure this out also as I just figure it out last week. The way for me is not to have asked at all =). Do you find that a contradiction? Well it is and usually it is contradictions like this that leads to an answer ^^.

Example if you try too hard to ask for deals from your client, you will appear too desperate and they will think that your company is not doing well and hence you are asking for a deal (note this is from a guy’s point of view, gals can sometimes get their way easily just by asking =P) However if you are not going to ask then no one knows that you actually want business from them.

Heard of people who told you to take things naturally and not be too desperate and things will come your way? Well they are most probably right as when you don’t ask, tendency is that people are more willing to give when they want to. And when you ask, it exposes your wants and your wants are your weakness which other people will not hesitate to exploit it and use it against you. So why should be people help you kill your weakness when it doesn’t benefit them? Human nature will thus tell them not to give you what you want and use it as a bargaining chip to give them what they want from you. And if they have nothing you have to offer that they need or you have already offered it easily to them, then sorry it is game over for you.

The way to ask for things is not to ask for it, sounds contradicting right? It is contradicting and I have found out just a few ways not to ask for it but still asking for it in a subliminal level.

- Embedding character- Relate what you want from a third person scenario and perspective
- Drop hints
- Using Reverse psychology, ask for what you don’t want

Of course I am just starting to understand this concept and can’t give in depth analysis of how these can be effectively met out. However I have personally experienced using some of the above mention skill set before and found that it is easier to achieve the desired result I want. Well that means more thorough experimentation but I am sure that it will help me master a potent skill that will ease my life as it will be easier to get what I want and meet lesser objections.

I find that such skills are more necessary when you have to ask from things from people who are in a dilemma of wanting to give the things you want yet having difficulty reconciling with other considerations. To ask will only make the person feel more guilty if they give in and if you do not ask, your intention will not be known. Hence at this point of time, the balance is thus the fine line when you did not ask for anything but have already indicated what you want. I find that pretty cool, hope that you will too ^^


“Get it by not asking- its easier”
~ James Tan ~