1 degree of difference

Some people always ignore the small arguments that happen in their life, thinking that they doesn’t matter and will not affect their relationship with others in any way. Those who chose to ignore this 1 degree of difference may be on their way to separating their path from others.

What is this 1 degree of the difference that matters so much?

a









b

For this blog, I decided to use a graphical approach to explain my philosophy. The impact of a degree of difference can be phenomenon. 2 persons with separating view who refuse to give in will start to drift further and further apart. I have used 2 lines (Image B) with one going out to the left and the other heading to the right to represent the separating view, the 1 degree of difference. As time goes on, the path of these 2 persons will start to drift further and further apart and their path in life will never cross. An argument of 2 head strong people who doesn’t wish to compromise will end up like these 2 lines, each going a separate path.

If there is one who seek reconciliation and wish to give in, but the other party refuses to, their path in life will be like those show in image A. The person representing the line on the left wishes to give in and head towards the path of the line on the right, but the person representing the line on the right just doesn’t wish to reconcile. In the end, the path of these 2 lines will never intercept too as this 1 degree of difference has caused a rift between them.

C (just for the record I drew this =D)

Life is about giving and taking. The relationship of 2 persons has to be one that is giving and receiving. Being obstinate will damage any relationship, be it friendship, kinship or courtship. Relationship should be like a rope (Image C) where each person should learn to give in and the other must learn to receive reconciliation. Only then could the relationship be bonded by numerous intersections, making the relationship as strong as a rope interwoven by 2 strong strings of attachment.

Learn to give and learn to receive as both are equally important, don’t let obstinacy damage any relationship as all relationship that is built up over the years is a like a treasure that we should learn to value.


“Give and receive is all it takes”
James Tan

Angels in Hell (Part 3) - Have a firm stand

After blogging on so many different philosophies, I have come back to my main topic- The Angel in hell.

Have you ever wondered why when you keep letting some people have their way and take advantage of you, they seem to be getting from bad to worse? These people begin to take more advantage of you as you choose to let them be. Your choice of action may be due to the fact that you feel that it is really alright as this people will eventually be touched by your kind intention and finally by the work of your kindness, they will one day understand your kind intention and turn over a new leaf.

Lo and behold, this scene usually appear on TV dramas and in reality, this type of approach generally will be met with failure. Reason being, these people are mostly self-centered by nature, most of them will take care of themselves first and this is not something evil or wrong, it is just a survival instinct. So when you allow yourself to be taken advantage without voicing it out and taking a stand, chances are that inconsiderate people will tend to take more advantage of you.

In life, we are surrounded by some inconsiderate people who only care about their own interest. By being an Angel to them, these people will further develop their selfishness by sponging on the kindness you have given to them. These people don’t appreciate kindness by returning kindness, they only appreciate it by further devouring it and growing their bad nature as they find could benefit from it without resistance. Kindness to these inconsiderate people are just like poison to them, as you give them more, they will be poisoned further and leech on it further.

The solution that I have learnt is to be cruel to be kind, my core philosophy. An Angel in hell has to be versatile as not all people deserve unconditional kindness. When kindness is given to selfish people, they will reverse kindness to badness. By being cruel to them and taking a stand of not sparing any unconditional kindness to these inconsiderate people, we are stopping them from growing more selfish behavior. If you are nice to them, they will only get worse. Being cruel to them entails not giving them what they want unconditionally as these people will not appreciate it. Any kindness to be given to them should come with a price so that they could appreciate its value as they never appreciate unconditional kindness.

Being kind and an Angel in hell necessitate a firm stand. Never let inconsiderate people have their way and take you for granted. Hold your stand and blocked your kindness to them when necessary as giving way to them only develop their selfishness. If need be, fight against their selfish nature and choose confrontation against submission. Good people find it hard to survive on pure kindness, but a good person with a stand of steel will be able to perform kindness with more ease.

In my life, people like this exist and I have learnt to deal with them by taking my stand. It doesn’t matter whether they will eventually appreciate it and learn to be considerate or not, at least I have done my part not to deteriorate their selfish behavior by letting them leach on me. Hopefully one day, they will mend their way and learn not to take advantage of other people kindness. I know I can’t change people but at least I don’t want a part to grow their badness which in turn will bring harm to others around them. To those people who are considerate and always think of others before self [which I am fortunate to surround myself with =)], I feel really happy to have these friends and will never try to take advantage of them. They are to be treated like Angels which I will return their single favor with many in returns.

“Learn to be considerate and appreciate kindness, life is about giving and not about leeching”
James Tan

Opinions- to seek or not to seek

Everyone has their set of challenges and each has their own way to solve it. Some will seek the opinions of others and some will stick to their own solutions without listening for other people’s opinion.

In one of the episode of the apprentice (can’t remember which one in specific), Donald Trump fired the leader of the losing team simply because he wasted time garnering decisions via voting. To Donald Trump, a leader leads and doesn’t need a vote for opinions, all the leader has to do is to choose a course of action and the team members(followers) will refine the idea and support it. However what is a team if the team acts on the command and decisions of just a single person?

There are also cases of people who don’t like listening to what other people have to offer. They only like their own decisions and don’t care what other people think about it. These people will usually appear to be unfriendly and self-centered. So the best leader will be one with solutions and still listen to the team to enhance the solutions.

Seems pretty clear cut that this is the way in work but does it work in personal life? When faced with problems, do you ask people who matter to you for their opinions so that they could play a part in your life or do you just box yourself with the problem and constrain the problem to yourself? Neither seems right and balance is the key in my perspective.

Yes, people will start responding to your problem initially by enthusiastically looking for solutions for you. However as you start pouring your mountains of problem on them to ask for their opinions, they will start to feel irritated and feel that you are problematic. If you don’t share your problems and box yourself up, you will distance yourself from others as they find it hard to understand you as you have boxed up your troubles and feelings.

Now this is tricky. I feel that the way to balance this issue is to share your problems with people that matters to you, but share it wisely. Without a doubt you should share your daily problems and experiences with people but don’t start pouring your problems onto them as they are humans and have their own sets of problem too. The way to do it, in my perspective is to share your problems but only when you have the solutions yourself. In this way, you are sharing your problems and feelings, and not imposing on others to solve your problems. People don’t like to listen to mountains of problems unless you have the solutions. With solution in mind while discussing problem, it becomes an educating process instead of a torturous one. The person listening to it may even add on to the solution and eagerly participate in solving the problem.

Then again, the best situation is not to share only the problem but also the interesting things that happened in a day so that any conversation will not be always gloomy. If there is a problem that needs to be solved, look for a solution before discussing it. And please solve the problem after the discussion and don’t repeatedly discuss the same problem or else it will still create irritations in the long run.

This solution appears to me as being too hard to accept at first as I felt that why can’t I share my problem with these people and solve it together with them? In this case, aren’t I letting them participate in my life? Then I rationalize it and understand that sharing problems doesn’t mean imposing it on others, be considerate to these people as they matters. Don’t throw your mountains of grievances on them and crushed them.

“Problem are best discussed with solutions already in hand”
James Tan

ECP Trilogy Part 3 – “一起走”

Part 3 begins

I was heading home from ECP by taking bus 16 and alighting at Tiong Bahru so that I could take a stroll home via SGH. On my way up the slope of SGH, an old couple walks towards me and I heard the aunty said “一起走到地铁站吧” This is just a simple sentence, but I felt that there is a deeper meaning to the message.

By walking to the MRT together, the old couples, who may be friends, are providing companionship to each other. It is a simple walk to the MRT station but without another person by your side, one would usually find the journey lonely and long. With someone by your side to talk to you as you go to your destination, the journey will be easier and delighting.

A simple sentence it is but a profound feeling it evokes. There are always reasons for everything that has happened and they always happen for a good reason. This old couples are highlighting, in my own interpretation, the value of friendship. As the day draws to an end which I have spent it with my good buddy, this is really a good sentence to end this philosophical day.

At the age of 25, I have experienced many challenges throughout my life. My friends have been with me in times of happiness, anger, disappointment and the many facades of life. Being able to spend the good times and bad times together, sharing joys and displeasures. The road has been a better journey as I have these close friends by my side. They have encouraged me when I am down, and sharing the smiles and laughter in happy moments.

In the years of my life, I may have neglected these friends due to my other engagements but they have never left me as our friendship is something that is not physically linked, it is a link of the heart that is not separated by physical barriers. They are always there when I needed to share the good and bad times without any preconditions.

The journey in life may be long and arduous with its many challenge but one could always sail through life with good friends around. With this, I thank you my friends. Let us continue to share the good times and bad times till the end of time!

"The way to sail through life is with good companionship"
James Tan

ECP Trilogy Part 2- Light in darkness

Moving on to ECP philosophy Part 2

As the night draws near, we had Macdonald take away at a bench facing the shore. As we are eating our dinner, we saw a family lighting sparklers that brighten the dark shore. This scene is so beautiful that I start to see the beauty of the shore in another way. Being philosophical, I began my intellectual fermentation by drawing inference from this scene.



The light in the darkness is the symbolism of hope in times of trouble. Some people could see the light and focus on getting out of the darkness by moving towards the light. Others fail to identify the light as they are too engulfed by darkness.

I remember watching a documentary which shows that a tribesman has actually noticed Christopher Columbus ship anchoring on their shore but his entire fellow tribesman said that there is nothing in the sea. This particular tribesman is so convinced of what he has saw and spent many days looking at the ship to confirm what he has seen. Soon his belief starts to affect some of his fellow tribesman and some begin to be able to notice the ship in the sea.

I am not sure what they call this theory in psychology but I shall try to explain this theory in words (please drop your comments if you know). The tribesman could see the ship because he didn’t limit his thoughts and when he saw an object in the sea, he identified it and confirmed the presence of the object. The other tribesman failed to see the ship because they have never seen a ship and has limited their thoughts into believing that nothing so big could actually float in the sea. This is due to the fact that the brain actually limits ones vision if the person doesn’t believe that a certain thing exist as they have never seen it before.

So what am I trying to infer from this? To me, the ship and the light carry the same idea. The one that didn’t limit his thought, and believing in any possibilities will be able to see what others can’t see. In perspective, one who is in any situation will not be able to identify the solution or see the light as they only focus on the problem and didn’t open their mind to acknowledge that there is a solution. In the end, they got more engulfed by the problem and slump into pessimism.

Identifying the light in darkness sounds simple but most people would rather be engulfed by darkness (the problem) and fail to look at the light (the solution). They are too caught up with the darkness to notice the light. In order to identify the light, the one must first be able to jump out of the emotions associated with the problem and believe that many solutions exist. The next step will be to work on the solutions as knowing without doing is equivalent to not knowing. As you think and work on the solutions, it is paramount to walking towards the light. As you walk closer, the light becomes brighter. Finally you could see all the things around you and all the problems(darkness) will be gone as the solutions have cleared the problem (notice cleared is the same as clear, meaning when there is light, you could see things clearly).

“Never be caught up emotionally by problems, believe that a solution is always present”
James Tan

ECP Trilogy Part 1 - Falling

Today is a day of massive philosophical fermentation and I shall document 3 philosophies that I have garnered for the day.

A bright and cherry Sunday where the haze doesn’t affect my mode to go blading with my good buddy/sister, we set out to exercise at ECP so as to maintain a healthy lifestyle and catch up with each other. As usual, my dear buddy is late again and so I started blading on my own. As I was blading, I saw the usual “road block” on the road where a couple will be traveling slowly and hogging the whole track. The usual practice is thus to overtake them or be as slow as them. I chose the former and decided to overtake them. However the task is not so simple as they started speeding up a bit as I tried to overtake. I thought that was childish as they seem to be indicating that they don’t like people to overtake and hence I was having trouble doing so. What consequently happened is that the other side of the road came 2 cute 弟弟 who appear before me and without knowing how to emergency brake, I ski to the side and injured my old wound…. again

I went to the side to check the actual damage and found blood gushing from the wound as expected because is a cut on the existing wound. As I see my blood flowing, I was feeling quite angry at the childish couple and also the 2 not so cute 弟弟 now as I felt that they are the cause of my injuries. If only the couples are not so childish and if only the 2弟弟 aren’t so blind….. In the midst of my anger, I decided to rationalize the whole incident.

1- I am the one who decided to overtake
2- I am the one who cant speed up to overtake
3- I am the one who doesn’t know how to control my blades

So who is to be blamed for the incident? After rationalizing it, I came to a conclusion and that is I am the one who caused my own injuries.

Many people always start to point fingers at others when unfortunate things happened to them. They have forgotten that whatever they do that has yielded bad results is not because of the action of others, but it is due to the decision that they make. Another famous excuse is the “if only” statement. If only this didn't happen, if only this people are not there...... Ya if only....

The whole point that I am trying to highlight is to stop blaming others for bad events that have happened to you but take responsibility from your action and learn from it. No doubt bad thing may have happened but instead of blaming others, why not look into what you could have done to prevent it from happening. Those who always blame their mishaps on others will have limited room to improve as they only view the fault as other people’s fault and never see it as their own limitation. One who can’t see their flaws will not be able to improve as they are like ostrich that hides in a hole.

Be brave and acknowledge your own limitation, do something about it and make sure that the same mistake is not repeated. It is just an experience to learn from, just a reason for us to improve ourselves further and be more responsible for our own actions.

So what I will do from now on is
1- Learn to blade faster
2- Learn to control my directions
3- Learn to brake.

If I could accomplish all these 3 things, there is a high chance I will not meet with the same mishap. Hence I would have learnt from my mistakes and be better in blading!

“Take responsibility of your own action and you will be a better person”
James Tan

Reward

What does reward means to you? Today I receive a reward from my client. It is not a new deal. It is not a referral from them. It is not a lucrative contract. It is none of the above but it means more than any of the above.

In January when the owner of Frost Wine first contacted me, we are confirming the quotation and receiving the brief of their project. Next come the long period of amendments and mock ups that was done with many delays as the work flow get stuck. Today is the concluding day for the project as the site is finally launched and the client wants us to do another design for them. I told them that their current images for the design are not satisfactory and offered to photograph images of their wine bottle for them in good resolution. What we have expected is that they didn’t refuse the extra mile we put in for them but what we didn’t expect is the reward that they have given us.

After taking the photo, my client said “The 2 bottles of wines are for you for the effort you put in to our web site, please savor it with your colleagues” This is the reward that I am talking about. It is not the payment for the job as payment is a fair exchange for the service we have rendered to them. The 2 bottles of wine symbolize appreciation of the work that we have done for them. No doubt they are not very cheap wines but it is not the dollar value of the wine that matters, it is the intrinsic value of the wine that counts.

Left: My Reward and I (Please ignore the extra behind the screeen ^^)









Being in business for close to 1 and a half year, this is the first time that I felt rewarded for the dedication that I have put in to service my client. They have rewarded me not only monetary but also rewarded me with 2 bottles of wine that carries more significant meaning to the term “reward”. This is one of the little things that people can do that to make you know that your effort is worth it. 2 bottles of wine have made my day and let me know that my client actually appreciates my service and go out of the way to reward me. They didn’t treat my service as something that is part of the work scope reflected on the numbers on the cheque, it is an extra value to them as they see the dedication from my company.

These go to show 2 points
1- The reward of your toil will materialize some day, you just have to persevere and believe that your work will one day be appreciated
2- Don’t treat other people’s extra effort for granted. Reward or compliment them if they have go the extra mile for you and you have done a good deed by validating their effort. A pat at the back is always a good motivation and reward for people who deserve it.

So the morale of the story is

“Work hard and go the extra mile as the extra mile is usually the place that is filled with rainbows”

James Tan

Trust

This thread is started as one of my friends asked me “Do you build trust by giving it or receiving it first?” I replied him with ease that I will always initiate the trust in people first which makes me the giver. It seems like a natural and straight-forward thought to me but the next day when I think about it, this simple question itself holds more complexity than it sounds. Hence I decide to ask around and dedicate one blog topic to discuss this profound issue of trust. A side note is that this topic is meant to be a general discussion and not applied to special individuals and it is just my humble personal thought on this topic but feel free to comment if you disagree!

During the preliminary discussion, I received many similar comments like “Is it the chicken or the egg first?” I understand that this comment is fair as trust is definitely a mutual thing. However unlike the chicken and egg that we will not know which came first since we are not the creator of the chicken or egg, we do know whether we give or received trust first as we will always meet new people and the choice to give or receive trust is something we can decide and know.

First of all, we have to understand what is this thing call trust and why do we need it? By knowing why we need it then could we know why some people give it and some prefer to receive it. Trust is a feeling that is the foundation of any relationship. It is the basic element that must be present when building relationship as only through the presence of trust then could you venture into deeper arena of feelings.

Fear of trust
Trust on people is formed on many levels and the first level of trust we have on someone is usually from what we heard and seen of someone. From then on, it is a step by step exploration as you experience life challenges and builds trust with these individuals. The level of trust is determined by the level of commitment and amount of time spent on building it. The deeper the level of trust, the greater the disappointment when trust is misplaced. The higher the level of trust will also result in a greater fear in giving trust when one has been betrayed before.

As we grow up, we will definitely experience a breach of trust. It is a path that everyone has to take in life. When this happens, people may take different course of action.

Some will start losing trust in people
Some will still have trust but build up their guard in giving it
Some will still face life with optimism

I like to use an analogy for this. A breach of trust is like a virus in a computer that you got from the internet. We will need time to clear the virus but we will definitely protect our computer from getting virus again. Some will install fire wall and anti virus and others can’t be bothered with installing one as they don’t think that they will get the virus again. Of course the more dramatic ones will disconnect from the internet altogether thinking that the internet is filled with virus.
All these reactions are relative to time and experience. If you meet someone early in life who break the trust you have in him, an initial bad experience may make you lose your trust in human altogether. For those who have experienced life knows that trust is not something that is broken very frequently.

Having said this, I was just highlighting one point. We shouldn’t lose the feeling of trusting others. Trust is a door to connect to others and we shouldn’t lose this connection. Yes we should build some guard so that we can guard ourselves but it doesn’t mean not trusting others at all. Giving it sparingly and building it day by day is the way. One betrayal doesn’t mean that it will occur every time, instead focus more on the many people who didn’t betray you. Think of it positively, isn’t it good if you know who is true to you and who is not just by using a trust as an indicator?

Bottom line is that trust is a thing that takes time and effort to build. Personally I feel that since it is so hard to build trust as you go through so many levels to build it, why do you want to break it because of small gains that are transient. Uphold the highest integrity. Trust is a thing that you should not fear and betrayal is a positive occurrence as it filters away the unworthy.


“Trust is build with time, and can be broken with one wrong action
Fragile as it is, hence the more we should treasure it”
James Tan

Starwalker

Today is the day I bought my first Mount Blanc pen! The name of the pen is called Starwalker.

The main idea of the blog is on philosophy and I am not going to divert from the style of this blog. This will be a blog of philosophy together with the blog of life.

"The first step into the future begins in the present
Meeting new challenges and realizing visions means breaking new ground,
But without compromising one's root"

This quote is about the Starwalker. It signifies a dream of the future that is carved from the present with new challenges ahead and new grounds to break. In the quest for a new beginning and a new future, one must not forget one's philosophy and the building block of your success.

Beauty in the quote, inspiring it is.

Starwalker itself has another meaning to me

Star - Symbolizing a wish
Walker - Idea of continuity, advancement

From the 2 words, many meanings start to spur to me

Star always carry the meaning of a wish or a dream. A dream is something that everyone should have. A walker is someone that doesn't stop, who keeps pushing on and never quits. It carries the meaning of perseverance and determination. How veritable is the meaning of a Starwalker to me at this stage of life! I carry a dream that I should pursue, a walker I am that will press on with perseverance, and equipped with determination to realize his dream. No challenges shall daunt me as I am the Starwalker who walk on my dream and realizing the dream step by step as I walk towards accomplishing it. I am never far from it as I am walking on it, it is a journey that I will one day complete.

What I am trying to say is that one should always pursue his or her dream by walking on it, realizing it with every move you take. The dream is never far off if you are walking on it, it is just that you haven’t finished the whole journey.

I am a starwalker and I hope that everyone around me are a starwalker too.

“Success goes to those that keeps moving towards their dreams”
James Tan