To Get is Not to have Asked
Does the subject header sound funny to you? Well it sounds funny to me before but now it has made good sense for me as I realize that there is another dimension in getting things from people.
Ever encountered situations where you ask things from people around you and you get nothing from them in the end? For me it does occur quite frequently and usually it is quite irritating and frustrating, in the end when you finally wish to give up and the thing will start knocking at your door. At that point of time, you might already have lost interest in the thing you have wanted in the first place.
Why do such things occur you might ask? There are a couple of reasons
Generally people
- don’t like to be commanded by others to do things
- don’t like to entertain desperate people
- like to do things only that they feel good about doing
- only do things willingly when they are self-motivated
So by asking someone for a certain things to be done, most of the above rules have been broken. Of course I am not referring to people who are your subordinates or you have power over, the people I am referring to are your peers or people you are not able to force your thoughts on.
And the question now is if you are not going to ask, then how are you going to get certain things done? It took me a while to figure this out also as I just figure it out last week. The way for me is not to have asked at all =). Do you find that a contradiction? Well it is and usually it is contradictions like this that leads to an answer ^^.
Example if you try too hard to ask for deals from your client, you will appear too desperate and they will think that your company is not doing well and hence you are asking for a deal (note this is from a guy’s point of view, gals can sometimes get their way easily just by asking =P) However if you are not going to ask then no one knows that you actually want business from them.
Heard of people who told you to take things naturally and not be too desperate and things will come your way? Well they are most probably right as when you don’t ask, tendency is that people are more willing to give when they want to. And when you ask, it exposes your wants and your wants are your weakness which other people will not hesitate to exploit it and use it against you. So why should be people help you kill your weakness when it doesn’t benefit them? Human nature will thus tell them not to give you what you want and use it as a bargaining chip to give them what they want from you. And if they have nothing you have to offer that they need or you have already offered it easily to them, then sorry it is game over for you.
The way to ask for things is not to ask for it, sounds contradicting right? It is contradicting and I have found out just a few ways not to ask for it but still asking for it in a subliminal level.
- Embedding character- Relate what you want from a third person scenario and perspective
- Drop hints
- Using Reverse psychology, ask for what you don’t want
Of course I am just starting to understand this concept and can’t give in depth analysis of how these can be effectively met out. However I have personally experienced using some of the above mention skill set before and found that it is easier to achieve the desired result I want. Well that means more thorough experimentation but I am sure that it will help me master a potent skill that will ease my life as it will be easier to get what I want and meet lesser objections.
I find that such skills are more necessary when you have to ask from things from people who are in a dilemma of wanting to give the things you want yet having difficulty reconciling with other considerations. To ask will only make the person feel more guilty if they give in and if you do not ask, your intention will not be known. Hence at this point of time, the balance is thus the fine line when you did not ask for anything but have already indicated what you want. I find that pretty cool, hope that you will too ^^
“Get it by not asking- its easier”
~ James Tan ~
Ever encountered situations where you ask things from people around you and you get nothing from them in the end? For me it does occur quite frequently and usually it is quite irritating and frustrating, in the end when you finally wish to give up and the thing will start knocking at your door. At that point of time, you might already have lost interest in the thing you have wanted in the first place.
Why do such things occur you might ask? There are a couple of reasons
Generally people
- don’t like to be commanded by others to do things
- don’t like to entertain desperate people
- like to do things only that they feel good about doing
- only do things willingly when they are self-motivated
So by asking someone for a certain things to be done, most of the above rules have been broken. Of course I am not referring to people who are your subordinates or you have power over, the people I am referring to are your peers or people you are not able to force your thoughts on.
And the question now is if you are not going to ask, then how are you going to get certain things done? It took me a while to figure this out also as I just figure it out last week. The way for me is not to have asked at all =). Do you find that a contradiction? Well it is and usually it is contradictions like this that leads to an answer ^^.
Example if you try too hard to ask for deals from your client, you will appear too desperate and they will think that your company is not doing well and hence you are asking for a deal (note this is from a guy’s point of view, gals can sometimes get their way easily just by asking =P) However if you are not going to ask then no one knows that you actually want business from them.
Heard of people who told you to take things naturally and not be too desperate and things will come your way? Well they are most probably right as when you don’t ask, tendency is that people are more willing to give when they want to. And when you ask, it exposes your wants and your wants are your weakness which other people will not hesitate to exploit it and use it against you. So why should be people help you kill your weakness when it doesn’t benefit them? Human nature will thus tell them not to give you what you want and use it as a bargaining chip to give them what they want from you. And if they have nothing you have to offer that they need or you have already offered it easily to them, then sorry it is game over for you.
The way to ask for things is not to ask for it, sounds contradicting right? It is contradicting and I have found out just a few ways not to ask for it but still asking for it in a subliminal level.
- Embedding character- Relate what you want from a third person scenario and perspective
- Drop hints
- Using Reverse psychology, ask for what you don’t want
Of course I am just starting to understand this concept and can’t give in depth analysis of how these can be effectively met out. However I have personally experienced using some of the above mention skill set before and found that it is easier to achieve the desired result I want. Well that means more thorough experimentation but I am sure that it will help me master a potent skill that will ease my life as it will be easier to get what I want and meet lesser objections.
I find that such skills are more necessary when you have to ask from things from people who are in a dilemma of wanting to give the things you want yet having difficulty reconciling with other considerations. To ask will only make the person feel more guilty if they give in and if you do not ask, your intention will not be known. Hence at this point of time, the balance is thus the fine line when you did not ask for anything but have already indicated what you want. I find that pretty cool, hope that you will too ^^
“Get it by not asking- its easier”
~ James Tan ~
posted by James at 9:22 PM
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