Standards
First of all, I know I haven't been blogging for long. Actually I do have a couple of things that I would like to write on but just cant find the right inspiration to carry on some topics and to me, if I am going to write crap for the sake of writing, then I might as well not write about it till I got the inspiration to complete a decent blog ^^. However I went with my brother in one of our drinking plus thinking session and had an inspiration to write the following blog =D. Pretty cool that my brother can actually inspire me to write a blog based on something he had said! ^^.
My brother commented “Why be so choosy, no one is asking you to get married with the gal, you are just trying it out with her and give each other a chance to see if both of you are suitable”
This might be the reason why most of his girlfriends don’t last more than 2 years… However this does not mean that what he has said doesn’t make sense in my case. I realized that I have imposed a high standard on myself when choosing girlfriend. This is not surprising as throughout my study years, I have the honor of being close to the belle of the school. Perhaps I was being pampered too much that I am not able to court gals that are just average?
Another problem that I have is that I had an extremely loyal mindset in relationship that shrunk my circle of gals that I know when I am in a relationship. I used to have the mindset that going out with other gals when I am in a relationship is an act of disloyalty. However now I felt that going out with a gal does not prove disloyal if no act of betrayal is done.
Maybe because of these 2 reasons, I had actually shrunk my potential network of eligible ladies in my life throughout the early years of my teenage life to young adulthood. My brother was right in one thing when he gave me the comment, I had too much criteria and restriction impose on myself that limited my own choice.
Actually I have already realized these flaws of mine when I am running my business. In the beginning of my business, I have no choice but to take any business that comes my way and will try hard to secure any deals as any deal is better than no deal. Then small deal begin to spin off to bigger deal and when business start to stabilizes, we start to choose who wish to work with and who we do not wish to waste time on. The concept is right as if the business is not the kind you are looking for, do not waste time engaging it for the sake of getting business. However the point that most people miss out is, not doing the business doesn’t mean that one should shut off all communications with the client and try to distance yourself away from them.
Do remember that in the first place, they are the reason for your initial survival phase and had referred bigger client to you that lead to your present achievements. Not doing business with them due to business consideration doesn’t mean not value adding to them by giving them contacts and consultation. It is still possible to maintain good relationship with them.
Bringing to perspective in searching for the right person, the concept is identical. A person who doesn’t have much choice grabs anything that is available and due to the law of large numbers, he will eventually be able to get a good girlfriend one day. A person who thinks he has the right to choose will be choosy and think he is the prize and start limiting his choices and one day will find nothing remains for him as he is overly choosy. I would say that I do have some little charm that makes me a little choosy. And through these lessons I have learnt and referring back to my philosophy in life, the answer still lies within the power of balance.
When one does not choose, he ends up making his girlfriend too valueless as he simply accepts anything. When one is too choosy, he ends up having too limited choice to have any relationship. The balance to me after this realization is to accept all gals in my contact sphere into my life and giving each and single one of them a chance. If they are not suitable, it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends and maintain the friendly terms. Who knows they might “refer” their gal friends to me and voila, it might just work out ^^. The choosy part is therefore on being able to understand yourself on who what kind of gal you would like to be your girlfriend and just not simply accept anything that is remotely near as in the end the relationship will still not last as the love did not start with a good foundation in the first place.
So for now, it will be to expand in connection and zoom in on the specific target but always building on all existing relationship!
“Expand then focus- simple”
~ James Tan ~
My brother commented “Why be so choosy, no one is asking you to get married with the gal, you are just trying it out with her and give each other a chance to see if both of you are suitable”
This might be the reason why most of his girlfriends don’t last more than 2 years… However this does not mean that what he has said doesn’t make sense in my case. I realized that I have imposed a high standard on myself when choosing girlfriend. This is not surprising as throughout my study years, I have the honor of being close to the belle of the school. Perhaps I was being pampered too much that I am not able to court gals that are just average?
Another problem that I have is that I had an extremely loyal mindset in relationship that shrunk my circle of gals that I know when I am in a relationship. I used to have the mindset that going out with other gals when I am in a relationship is an act of disloyalty. However now I felt that going out with a gal does not prove disloyal if no act of betrayal is done.
Maybe because of these 2 reasons, I had actually shrunk my potential network of eligible ladies in my life throughout the early years of my teenage life to young adulthood. My brother was right in one thing when he gave me the comment, I had too much criteria and restriction impose on myself that limited my own choice.
Actually I have already realized these flaws of mine when I am running my business. In the beginning of my business, I have no choice but to take any business that comes my way and will try hard to secure any deals as any deal is better than no deal. Then small deal begin to spin off to bigger deal and when business start to stabilizes, we start to choose who wish to work with and who we do not wish to waste time on. The concept is right as if the business is not the kind you are looking for, do not waste time engaging it for the sake of getting business. However the point that most people miss out is, not doing the business doesn’t mean that one should shut off all communications with the client and try to distance yourself away from them.
Do remember that in the first place, they are the reason for your initial survival phase and had referred bigger client to you that lead to your present achievements. Not doing business with them due to business consideration doesn’t mean not value adding to them by giving them contacts and consultation. It is still possible to maintain good relationship with them.
Bringing to perspective in searching for the right person, the concept is identical. A person who doesn’t have much choice grabs anything that is available and due to the law of large numbers, he will eventually be able to get a good girlfriend one day. A person who thinks he has the right to choose will be choosy and think he is the prize and start limiting his choices and one day will find nothing remains for him as he is overly choosy. I would say that I do have some little charm that makes me a little choosy. And through these lessons I have learnt and referring back to my philosophy in life, the answer still lies within the power of balance.
When one does not choose, he ends up making his girlfriend too valueless as he simply accepts anything. When one is too choosy, he ends up having too limited choice to have any relationship. The balance to me after this realization is to accept all gals in my contact sphere into my life and giving each and single one of them a chance. If they are not suitable, it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends and maintain the friendly terms. Who knows they might “refer” their gal friends to me and voila, it might just work out ^^. The choosy part is therefore on being able to understand yourself on who what kind of gal you would like to be your girlfriend and just not simply accept anything that is remotely near as in the end the relationship will still not last as the love did not start with a good foundation in the first place.
So for now, it will be to expand in connection and zoom in on the specific target but always building on all existing relationship!
“Expand then focus- simple”
~ James Tan ~
posted by James at 8:53 PM
1 Comments:
got it, buddy ^-^
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