Rationality vs Emotional
I do believe that everyone has a split self with both sides of them debating on controversial issues every time a decision has to be made. And I always have this issue when it comes to letting people go out of my life. For me there are already at least 3 occasions that I have to fight my emotional self with my rational self where I have to tell someone to leave my life which I completely hate to do so but it is definitely rationally necessary.
The first time is when I have to ask a young guy who is helping my company to leave as he is completely screwing things up instead of helping. I tried to see value in him but know that he is better left employed elsewhere. In the end I let him leave although emotionally I really hope that we can work together to build the company and can’t bear to kill off the dreams of the young lad.
The second time is when I have to dissolve my partnership with my ex partner in business. He is completely self-centered and only cares about his personal interest with only the wish to further his own wealth. It is an obvious rational choice to ask him to leave the partnership as not doing so is equivalent of self suicide for me and my company. Although I made the rational choice but emotionally I was thankful of him showing me the inital ropes of business although it is purely in his self interest to teach me so that I can work hard for the company while he virtually need to do nothing
The third time is when I have to ask for a cool off with my ex-girlfriend as I find that the relationship has lost its fundamental of love and I felt that she is not trying to make the relationship work anymore. And I was undergoing tremendous amount of stress at that moment that I know I might stall her future if I keep her with me by my side. Rationally that is the thing to do as if you love someone, you must let her go and let her be happy. Emotionally I really feel like breaking apart as she is so vital to my life.
Perhaps this is why I am suited for business as I will eventually give in to my rational self when making important decision in my life. However it has also start to leave deep scars in my heart as I look back my life, though I agree that these events had made me stronger too. What trigger this blog is because one of my senior designer told me today that he has to resign and look after his kids. Rationally I have to let him go as his pay allows me to hire 2 designers and more importantly he has no will to stay with us. Emotionally, I feel that it is a pity and I really can’t bear for a talent like him to leave. And guess what, this time round I have to give in to my rationality again…. That part I hated myself for it…..
I think I have to grapple with this split personality part of me as I seem to be strong rationally and weak emotionally as I can see rationality in things yet feel emotionally attach to the things around me. These are all grueling experiences that I would really hope to avoid as much as possible but as I carry on doing business I know such events will only appear more and more often. Guess being in business is about being stronger both rationally and emotionally as one take failure, obstacles, setbacks and disappointment in one’s stride. Whining and complaining will not help matters, in the end all that matters are that you have made a decision you can live with, become stronger and get on with your life ever stronger.
After reading this, you might think life is hard but I would prefer to say life is hard because you choose to face it and resolve the challenges in order to be happier in the future. I am just merely choosing to face the challenges so that I can be stronger, take on bigger challenges, and at the same time handling bigger pain and at the same time higher level of joy. Why do I say that it is a higher level of joy when I am continuously facing challenges despite getting stronger? Well it is simply because if I can take on bigger challenges, I can help those around me to cross their smaller challenges and bring joy to them. I always find that I can speak sense to people and make them see light only after I have cross the obstacle myself. So when I cross more challenges, I will see more and am able to help more people who has smaller level of challenges.
Simple math will thus tell you that if you can make more people happy by being stronger, that will definitely beat just solving your small problem and making yourself happy. As I journey on this road where my rationality will continue fighting with my emotion, I will be stronger and bring more happiness to all those around me. Although this is a arduous road but I know in the end I will have higher level of joy when I can give strength and happiness to more people =)
~ Rational vs Emotion, it is all about facing the facts and making a decision that will make you stronger and happier ~
James Tan
The first time is when I have to ask a young guy who is helping my company to leave as he is completely screwing things up instead of helping. I tried to see value in him but know that he is better left employed elsewhere. In the end I let him leave although emotionally I really hope that we can work together to build the company and can’t bear to kill off the dreams of the young lad.
The second time is when I have to dissolve my partnership with my ex partner in business. He is completely self-centered and only cares about his personal interest with only the wish to further his own wealth. It is an obvious rational choice to ask him to leave the partnership as not doing so is equivalent of self suicide for me and my company. Although I made the rational choice but emotionally I was thankful of him showing me the inital ropes of business although it is purely in his self interest to teach me so that I can work hard for the company while he virtually need to do nothing
The third time is when I have to ask for a cool off with my ex-girlfriend as I find that the relationship has lost its fundamental of love and I felt that she is not trying to make the relationship work anymore. And I was undergoing tremendous amount of stress at that moment that I know I might stall her future if I keep her with me by my side. Rationally that is the thing to do as if you love someone, you must let her go and let her be happy. Emotionally I really feel like breaking apart as she is so vital to my life.
Perhaps this is why I am suited for business as I will eventually give in to my rational self when making important decision in my life. However it has also start to leave deep scars in my heart as I look back my life, though I agree that these events had made me stronger too. What trigger this blog is because one of my senior designer told me today that he has to resign and look after his kids. Rationally I have to let him go as his pay allows me to hire 2 designers and more importantly he has no will to stay with us. Emotionally, I feel that it is a pity and I really can’t bear for a talent like him to leave. And guess what, this time round I have to give in to my rationality again…. That part I hated myself for it…..
I think I have to grapple with this split personality part of me as I seem to be strong rationally and weak emotionally as I can see rationality in things yet feel emotionally attach to the things around me. These are all grueling experiences that I would really hope to avoid as much as possible but as I carry on doing business I know such events will only appear more and more often. Guess being in business is about being stronger both rationally and emotionally as one take failure, obstacles, setbacks and disappointment in one’s stride. Whining and complaining will not help matters, in the end all that matters are that you have made a decision you can live with, become stronger and get on with your life ever stronger.
After reading this, you might think life is hard but I would prefer to say life is hard because you choose to face it and resolve the challenges in order to be happier in the future. I am just merely choosing to face the challenges so that I can be stronger, take on bigger challenges, and at the same time handling bigger pain and at the same time higher level of joy. Why do I say that it is a higher level of joy when I am continuously facing challenges despite getting stronger? Well it is simply because if I can take on bigger challenges, I can help those around me to cross their smaller challenges and bring joy to them. I always find that I can speak sense to people and make them see light only after I have cross the obstacle myself. So when I cross more challenges, I will see more and am able to help more people who has smaller level of challenges.
Simple math will thus tell you that if you can make more people happy by being stronger, that will definitely beat just solving your small problem and making yourself happy. As I journey on this road where my rationality will continue fighting with my emotion, I will be stronger and bring more happiness to all those around me. Although this is a arduous road but I know in the end I will have higher level of joy when I can give strength and happiness to more people =)
~ Rational vs Emotion, it is all about facing the facts and making a decision that will make you stronger and happier ~
James Tan
posted by James at 8:15 PM
7 Comments:
buddy,i've to confess..it has been quite some time since i last read your blog..and i must say...you're getting better & better.
i seldom read your blog not because it's not good but because it requies a certain level of intellect and active brain cells to aid in the digestion of the content..haha..so now you know why ya
read your recent post on "Rational vs Emotion"...it's not that scary now..haha..but i still feel that it's ok to release your emotions every once a while..cos we're only humans..
Sorry to have scared you in our conversation regarding rationality and emotional, I think at that point of time, I do not have the time to go in depth about the deeper expect of it.
Anyway being rational does not mean devoid of emotion, and being emotional does not mean that it is entirely bad. The most important thing is to be strong rationally and emotionally so that you can handle negative things rationally with a strong emotional fundamental not to be shaken by your decision.
It is definitely ok to release your emotions but bottom line is at the end of the day, you can not let your emotion control you into making irrational decision that will cause pain to others =)
James Tan
Hi James,
Sometimes, I wish I can be like you - using my brains more than I use my heart - especially in matters of the heart.
Sure, using my head will tide me over the bad times much faster. But my heart, while leaving me extreme pain and heartache, makes me feel alive.
Maybe I am a sadist, the aftermath of pain makes me feel alive.
Or maybe, because I know I have a friend like u, that's why I can afford to be emotional =)
Thanks James for sharing.
Sounds like I have another purpose on Earth that justify my existence =).
Anyway I don't think you are a sadist, as pain exist because there are joy and love that precedes it. You felt alive because you had felt the joy and pain of love which makes up the pillars of our life.
Well it doesn't mean that thinking from the head is the ideal choice as thinking from the heart will sometime be better too. Just that I chose to think from the head and handle my decision with my heart as it fits my character and profession. For you, it might actually be more comfortable to decide with the heart and the most important thing is, you have to choose whichever that makes you happier in the long run as you always have the choice to decide your happiness =)
开心也可以是自由的
James Tan
Hey James, regarding the designer that you have to let go, you might wanna offer him part-time work scheme? :) I don't really know the details of you and your designer, so forgive me for being presumptuous here. But money can buy you man hours, but money can't necessarily buy you loyalty, commitment, dedication and quality. If this guy's inherent value is high and you think he'll be an asset, and if his problem is merely related to work-life balance, whatabout offering him a part-time work scheme or work-from-home scheme or freelance scheme? Of course, you can cut renumerations to measure appropriately to the work.
In the long run when your company expands, you may also like to consider options of how you can maintain the work quality and loyalty of employees. When you have cultivated a pool of committed workers through years in business, your employees will grow old and have more commitments in life (including yourself) inevitably. So you can prepare for the future and consider how you might wanna factor these in as considerations for your management. Instead of seeing these as impediments, you can view them as an integral component of your management; which I believe if handle well will enhance the longevity and well-being of your organisation :)
Just my humble two-cents worth.
Joy
Hmmm... maybe one day when my business grow bigger, it will be my privilege to be able to have you as my business development team =).
Ya currently, this employee is our free lancer. It is not so much of him leaving us totally, it is about the esprit de core that we have when he is in the office that we will miss.
Well life is about hits and misses, you win some you lose some but you always make the best out of it! ^^
Thanks for the suggestions, you are really a capable lady =D
Heh- I have lots to learn. Thanks for the compliment anyways! :) Joy
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